I Watch You, With Love

I like watching you.  Because you watch me when I'm not looking.  You said that when you see your friends you see them looking how they did when they were twenty years younger: beautiful and... the same.
Then you said "When I look in the mirror I see old and..." I know what you were going to say. But you aren't.
I still feel uncomfortable eating in front of people.  I know of your struggles. 
I'm so proud of you.  You're as young as you were when you weren't pregnant.  You are as stunning as ever.   You don't need to wear loose  fitting clothes.  You are beautiful and no one can tell you that and reinforce it into your brain for you to see. 
Because you need to say it.  Say little things you love about yourself every day. 
I look at you because you put on a front that you are happy.  That you are body positive.  That you are happy eating as you do.  And I know you are.  But when I look at you when you are not aware of someone looking at you I see a sadness. An unhappiness.
It doesn't consume you.
You aren't over run with it.
For that I thank all the forces.
Because I love you,  and don't wish that on anyone. 
It hurts.  Because I was saying how I idolized a few people,  and stated how they were "the most beautiful people I had seen." And when I saw your eyes dim,  I didn't realize I had hurt you. 
Because I assumed  you already knew that you,  were in fact,  the most gorgeous person I had ever known. 
And gorgeous over rules beautiful.
I want you to be healthy mum.  And 100% happy. 
Because I ache with a sadness I see in you when I watch you when no one is looking.