That, is so.

It was different.
To see the waves crash on the pale wispy sand
that was also under my feet.
It was soothing.
How the icy tongues lapped my toes
and drew me closer to the sea.
But it was heavy.
With each step
that each push seemed to draw me down.
But it was fading.
The feeling of fear
was nailing me through the ground.
The sky was clear.
As I looked up
and held onto the startling azures and violets.
The sky was silent.
As the water met my chin
and I swore that I smelt lilacs.
But something was odd now.
The safety I felt was dissipating.
The comfort I was supposed to feel
was now somehow mis-created
and the water beneath me
is burning my throat
with salted tears
I'm unable to float.
What is dragging me down
under the blackest of ebony
is only myself-
my inflated enemy.
But my mouth isn't screaming
oh no,
I understand
that this is my destiny
my ultimate plan
in which I hold no power
to change
or manipulate.
Because I had done that to myself
which is how I'm drowning in waves.
Because these are not waves
of the ocean I wish to see
but the waves of pain and hatred
that have erupted through me
and it is pulling me down
into the tomb below
where I will not sleep
but cry with sorrow
and see-
hear me now
even though I will stay woken
my thoughts and memories
will stay being spoken
to the whim
of not my own wishes
but to those who had
fought with utmost viciousness.
 It is different.
Now, the sky isn't clear
but murky and clouded
as though filled with dried fears.
Fear of which
can not be forgotten
but held onto and seen
with every transaction.
I lay here
under the sea
being washed with the stars
but my throat isn't burning
as though behind bars.
My eyes are shut
but not deathly so
but oh,
oh woe
the soul inside-
that, is so.